what did the teenage yardstick say to the parents worksheet answers
Forget the terrible twos. When it comes to raising kids, the teen years are, easily down, the nearly complicated. Y'all figured out how to solve temper tantrums and bedtime battles, but at present social-life problems are throwing you for a loop. Don't worry. You lot've got questions, nosotros've got answers—at least for four mutual quandaries.
1. My 13-twelvemonth-one-time wants a Facebook account. But I don't think he's old plenty.
He's probably not. You're supposed to be at least thirteen to bring together, but even then your kid may non be prepare. The reason? Kids' brains haven't defenseless upwards to the responsibilities of using engineering. "A teenager'south encephalon is not near fully developed, peculiarly the frontal lobes, which command our ability to use good judgment," says Roni Cohen-Sandler, PhD, a psychologist in Weston, Connecticut, and writer of Trust Me, Mom—Anybody Else Is Going!
Then once they're on Facebook, they're probable to do and say things they shouldn't. Ane common mistake: over-friending. "Kids oftentimes accept every friend request they get, whether they know the person or not," says Shawn Marie Edgington, writer of The Parent'due south Guide to Texting, Facebook and Social Media. "The more friends they have, the more accepted and popular they feel. A kid with 500 'friends' is more common than you recall." But large numbers similar that should be a cerise flag to parents. "It means your child isn't being discriminating enough," says Edgington. "Now all those people are in his network, privy to the information, videos and photos he posts."
What tin can you practice to protect him, brusque of proverb, "No Facebook, ever!"? First, determine how responsible he is, says Deborah Ramirez, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Blue Bespeak, New York. Enquire yourself: Is he expert about handing in his homework on fourth dimension? When he says he's going to practice something—call his grandmother or feed the dog—does he practice it? "How you answer these types of questions tells you whether he can be trusted to follow your rules," says Dr. Ramirez.
If you do recollect your child is mature plenty to join Facebook, be prepared to become a member, too (if you lot're not i already). "Sign up kids ages 13 and xiv yourself, and continue the password so they can't access the account without y'all," advises Kathryn Rose, a social media expert and writer of The Parent's Guide to Facebook. "And talk to your child virtually staying safe and beingness responsible past not sharing any identifying information, ignoring friend requests from people he doesn't know, and not posting inappropriate or hurtful comments," says Dr. Ramirez.
Another requirement: Your child must friend you. That way you can check on postings and conversations, says Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, PhD, professor of psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts, who also advises setting time limits. "Being constantly connected on social media lessens real social interaction with bodily friends," he explains. 1 to two hours a day is more than plenty, adds Neil Bernstein, PhD, a teen psychologist in Washington, DC, and author of How to Keep Your Teenager Out of Problem and What to Do If You Tin can't.
Also talk to your kids nigh the type of photos they're allowed to upload. "Many younger teens, particularly girls, retrieve information technology's fun to post photos of themselves wearing belly shirts or other provocative habiliment without really understanding the sexual message it sends," explains Dr. Arnett. That's nonetheless some other reason to friend your child, so you tin run into what images he or she is uploading. Be proactive likewise: Prepare a Google Warning for your child'due south name, suggests Edgington. "You'll get an e-mail immediately if a video, tweet or public Facebook comment tagged with your kid's name has been posted online."
ii. My xiv-year-old daughter wants to outset dating. Is that as well immature?
Commencement, inquire your daughter to define dating. Is she talking about getting together ane-on-one with the male child she likes or hanging out with him in a group of friends? If she'south thinking of a date where it's merely the two of them, then the easy answer is: She's too immature. "At fourteen, kids aren't socially mature enough to handle a one-on-one relationship," says Jill Murray, PsyD, a psychotherapist in Laguna Niguel, California, and a leading expert on teen relationships. Simply put, young teens are still impulsive and oft act without thinking, she explains. So if your daughter goes out with a boy who becomes sexually aggressive, she may not know how to tell him to stop. And at this age, it'southward ordinarily the boys doing the pushing, though many girls are condign more sexually ambitious too, adds Dr. Murray.
What'due south more, when immature teens spend a lot of time solitary together, it can create an artificial closeness that may atomic number 82 to early on sexual involvement, she says. "Explain to your daughter why you feel she'south besides young to engagement. Still, if y'all're comfortable with the boy she likes, tell her it'due south OK to invite him over to hang out in a public role of the house—not her sleeping room—when y'all or your hubby are home," says Dr. Murray.
An even meliorate alternative: going out as a grouping. "It allows her to learn what she is and isn't comfortable with when it comes to boys, in a prophylactic, supportive setting," says Dr. Murray. Before y'all let her head off to the mall or movies with her crew, however, recollect about how well yous trust her. Afterwards all, she and the male child she likes could easily sneak off for some alone fourth dimension. And let'south confront it, when hormones take over, kids' promises to you ("Nosotros're just going to the mall, Mom") become out the window. "As trustworthy as she may be, you can't count on her to act sensibly in the moment," says Dr. Cohen-Sandler. And so confront information technology head on. "Say to your daughter, 'OK, you say yous're not going to go anywhere solitary with this boy, merely what if you do?'" says Dr. Cohen-Sandler. "Talk well-nigh what might happen and what she can exercise to stay safe." You lot'll help her empathize what can go wrong if she sneaks off with him, but also arm her with ways to exit of a catchy situation if she does.
Being realistic about what your daughter might practice doesn't hateful you yet shouldn't examination her trustworthiness. Starting time by request her to telephone call or text you at a sure fourth dimension while she's at a friend'southward business firm, so gradually add more than responsibility. If she consistently follows through, chances are she'due south gear up for grouping dating, says Dr. Murray.
And though it will exist up to you to determine when she's prepare for one-on-i dating, experts like Dr. Cohen-Sandler believe 16 is often an appropriate age. "Still, the male child she dates should be the same historic period equally she is, or within a year or two of it," she adds. Consider your girl's social skills as well earlier giving the go-ahead: Is she self-confident, contained and comfy speaking up for herself? "If she'south shy or needs to please, then even at sixteen she may not be ready to be alone with a boy—no matter his historic period," says Dr. Cohen-Sandler. Photo: Shutterstock
3. My son posted a video of himself on YouTube. Should I worry?
As with Facebook, YouTube'southward minimum age requirement for uploading videos is thirteen. As long as your child is at least that quondam and is posting a clip that'due south artistic or demonstrates a budding interest, similar singing or moviemaking, there'south no need to fret, says Alan Tepp, PhD, a child and adolescent psychologist in Mt. Kisco, New York. "YouTube can be a remarkable venue for creativity." It'southward your kid's way of showing the globe that he's the next Spielberg—or Justin Bieber!
Take Shane Clift, 15, of San Diego, California, who regularly uploads Twilight-inspired skits on YouTube. "Posting videos has taught him editing and artistic skills," says his mom, Natalie Wilson. Another bonus: Shane and his friends often spend hours developing their skits, which is a welcome modify from time spent glued to the Telly or video games.
All the same, even if your child's videos are strictly creative and not dangerous (similar footage of your son leaping off the garage onto a trampoline or your daughter dancing provocatively), y'all want to set clear guidelines. "Shane's content must exist age-appropriate and information technology can't exist mean-spirited," says Natalie.
Safe is besides a major outcome—especially since YouTube has 3 billion video views each day. "A lot of things that are obvious to parents, similar non posting your full name, dwelling house address or the school you nourish, aren't and so obvious to teens," says Abbi Tatton, a YouTube spokeswoman. Instruct your child non to publish whatsoever identifying information near himself and to be careful nigh what's visible in the background of outdoor videos (sure landmarks may make it easier for someone to track down his location).
If you're even so concerned, sit down together and mark his videos private. This volition forbid strangers from viewing his postings and let only a select group of pre-approved people similar friends and relatives to admission his videos. He still gets to share his creativity—just with a more express audition. Also visit YouTube'due south Safety Center by scrolling to the bottom of whatsoever YouTube page and clicking "Prophylactic" to learn what yous, every bit the parent, can command.
For example, information technology'due south possible—and simple—to block profanity, sexually suggestive material and even certain users from your child's account past switching the Safety Style to "on."
4. I constitute a "sext" message on my teen'south jail cell telephone. What should I do?
Start, erase from your mind images of an adult predator: In all likelihood, the sexually explicit message was sent by another teen he knows. A 2009 survey by Cox Communications in partnership with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children found that ane in 5 kids ages 13 to eighteen have sent, received or forwarded sext messages—sexually explicit texts or pictures of themselves or people they know. Most of the time it's a boy forwarding a photo of a girl or a girl flirting by sending a provocative photo of herself, explains Cindy Southworth, MSW, founder and manager of Condom Net, a projection at The National Network to End Domestic Violence that teaches people how to use applied science to escape domestic and sexual violence.
If information technology's a forwarded photograph of a girl you know, alert her parents. If your child sent the bulletin, delete it and then talk to him or her equally calmly as possible. "If you freak out or immediately confiscate the phone, you lot'll shut down the lines of communication between the two of you," says Southworth. Instead, encourage chat past explaining what you saw and request your child probing questions: "What does this message hateful to you?" "How does it brand yous feel?" Listening and responding with a level caput first, then imposing an appropriate consequence, similar no jail cell phone for a few days, shows that y'all're open to discussing uncomfortable problems.
After Alison Bosen of Peoria, Arizona, constitute a half-naked photo from her 17-twelvemonth-old son's girlfriend on his telephone, she immediately deleted the epitome and sat him down for a middle-to-eye. "Nosotros talked about what goes out into cyberspace and the ramifications of messages getting into the wrong hands," says Alison. "I also explained the legal consequences of forwarding kid pornography, which this technically was." She was quick, too, to disable picture messages so her son can't receive photos anymore, and set it upwardly so that he only gets calls and texts from trusted sources. Bank check to see if your cell telephone carrier offers a similar parental safety plan. "After the first infraction, limit photos to those sent from a select group of friends that you agree on," advises Southworth. "If it happens a 2nd fourth dimension, block all photos." Photograph: Marko Metzinger Studio D
Jennifer Matlack is a freelance writer based in Bethel, Connecticut. Her work has appeared in Glamour, All You, Wellness and many other publications.
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Source: https://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/a2571/tips-for-raising-teens-119818/
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